Ferrari...

[Chris]

Shamelessly stolen from another forum ...


Own a Ferrari?

Not quite good enough at driving?

Are other boys faster than you in the wet?

Then you need:

Ferrari international Assistance (FiA)

This exclusive Ferrari only membership club has many benefits. Including:

- Anti overtaking assurance
Been overtaken? Feel a bit silly? Don't worry, we'll rule out the other party , even if it's embarrassingly obvious that they're faster than you

- Can’t drive in the wet ?
Can’t cope with a little rain, don’t worry. We’ll ensure that the other party will lose their position ahead of you, ready for your mediocre inconsistent performance to keep you in the championship.

- Exclusive access to a secret 'second lane' in the pits
Just to make things a little bit easier we've arranged a private second lane , just for you

- Overtaken a car by cutting a chicane and NOT giving back your place ?
Exclusive offer for Ferrari drivers – you can decide not to give back the position and we won’t penalise you for it, just like in Hungary 2006

- Guaranteed world championship ?
Had a crash? Need to win the world championship? Don't worry just limp across the track and take off your nearest championship title contender - we'll do the rest

- A bit strapped ? Need extra cash ?
Simply get one of your team to tell someone else how you make your cars and then we’ll make sure they take the rap.

- Bits falling off your car ? Looking a bit dangerous ?
At Ferrari International Assistance we operate a 'blind eye' policy just for Ferrari drivers

- Been a bit silly ? Taken off another driver whilst following the safety car ?
It's ok, as long as you didn't hurt yourself. I mean, who are Force India anyway ? And how dare they be in front of you

- A bit bored? Want some extra action ?
With FIA plus you can take part in a number of additional membership activities

- Want to run some illegal aerodynamics ?
No problem, as long as the car is Red, you can have flexing wings, or oversized barge boards anything you like!

- Has your rival come up with a great idea, before you ?
One quick telephone call on our free 0800 number and we’ll make sure it gets banned overnight. No questions asked.

- Not sure when you might need us next ?
Relax. Check out our track record. We're confident that we'll be able to make something up on the spot that will get you out of any pickle that you might find yourself in

For an immediate response you can call our number free of charge. Our Call centre staff, Bernard, Max and Charles, are waiting for your call.


Ferrari international Assistance - Making it up as we go along for over 100 years

 

[babynothing78]

Loving that! There should be a Squeelers version though...

 

[The Man With No Name]

Brilliant!! :lol:

 

[oneill]

Ferrari are the best Massa is going to win the title, Hamilton should stop cheating and he would'nt get penalised. Anyway Lewis will bottle it in the last few races same as last season.

 

[ledgend777]

Ferrari are the best Massa is going to win the title, Hamilton should stop cheating and he would'nt get penalised. Anyway Lewis will bottle it in the last few races same as last season.

Only just seen this thread and whilst I am a Massa / Ferrari fan, the first post is funny and I have to admit, the FIA do seem to favour Ferrari in a lot of cases. I've been desperately trying to dismiss Lewis Hamilton is a good driver ever since he started (obviously not liking McLaren at all). But I have to admit, I'm finding it harder as each race passes.

A couple of things I do want to point out though - Hamilton has been very lucky in a strange unlucky/lucky kind of way this season. In Monaco he hit the wall - a driver error which 9 times out of 10 would mean being out of the race, but "luckily" wasn't too far from the pits and managed to get it sorted and win due to the conditions on the day. In another race, I believe he had a puncture - Ok, not his fault, but for most drivers this would mean losing 40-60 seconds getting back to the pits (if at all) and then finishing out of the points, but again, his puncture wasn't too bad and he managed to make it to the pits without losing an excessive amount of time and still got a few points. Add to this numerous (I'd say double figures) amounts of time he's gone off the track / spun during races, but "luckily" avoided the barriers / getting stuck in the gravel / hardly lost any time. Even today, he narrowly managed 10th in the 2nd Qualifying session and was "lucky" to be starting 11th. I'll admit he's an awesome wet weather driver, but this year has got to be a record for wet weather races which again has been a bonus for him. I think you'll have to agree there's been a great deal of luck involved in him getting to the position he's in now.

In comparison - Massa has had to retire pretty much every time he makes the slightest mistake (lets forget the multiple spins in the British GP) as he ends up in the wall. And of course - who can forget the engine failure in Hungary which if he'd made it to the end, he'd be quite a few points clear.

In conclusion - Hamilton is by far a better driver than Massa in the wet. But in my opinion, without the enginie failures (not Massa's fault), and if there'd been less wet races, Massa would easily be 20 odd in front. Oh well - it's made for a cracking end to the season - and may the best man win - without the need for "luck"!

 

[bubbles]

I think comparrisons cannot be made. Hamilton gets driven off the road today by a ferrari that hits him even though it's not on the race track. Hamilton gettting penalised for the first corner is the most ridiculous penalty ever passed. He touches no one and every other driver at the first corner also caused people wide of the race track. Thats the beauty of the first corner. I have a solution. Ferrari could have their own starting grid, 1 mile ahead of the rest. Why do we all still watch a competition sponsored by Ferrari. In fact I have an even better solution. Ferrari race in the morning to decide 1st and 2nd. Then in the afternoon the rest can race for position 3 onwards. Then the argument can be is Massa better than Raikonen. In fact an even better, solution, just get rid of Bernie and Ferrari. Then we can return to racing. Ooops forgot, one last rule change if my previous recommendations are not allowed, then the following should be allowed, any one who gets within 100 metres of a Ferrari shout get a drive through penalty, followed 3 laps later by a 10 second penalty, then follwed by 30 second penalty at the end of the race just incase any car might get close to the ferraris. In addition any car who broke the 100 metre rule should be demoted to the pit lane for the next race. And if Ferrari cannot finish a race for any reason then the race must be declared null and void. Any more suggestions on how to protect Ferrari are welcome. contact Bernie through the website.www.bernieecclestonedoesferrariuptheexhaustpipe.com